I have a question, you guys. Kind of a dilemma.
How do you de-friend someone on Facebook if you want to remain their friend in real life?
I seem to have a few friends who, while perfectly lovely people to hang out with and have civilized conversations with, display what is I assume their true colors on Facebook. They trumpet opinions, they attack others, they make sweeping generalizations and self-aggrandizing statements. And they do it every 20 minutes.
I mean, if you want to do that, start a fucking blog, right?
I would just remove their info feed from my profile but naturally, they're also the kind of people who bring the stuff they've posted up in conversation: "Hey, did you see that [politically skewed and sensationalist] article I posted? What did you think?" I suck at lying unless I've had at least a week to prepare, and I can hardly claim I don't frequent Facebook.
So, to de-friend or not to de-friend? Do you give them an explanation? Quietly drop off their list? Ask them to stop being such douchebags so you can go back to enjoying their company?
I haven't had this much angst since high school. Maybe I really DO have too much time on my hands.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Facebook etiquette: the new Frontier
Posted by Keely at 7:27 AM
Labels: apparently I swear a lot , I'm a headcase
62 comments :
when they ask if you saw it, just say, oh, i haven't been following facebook that closely lately, there's so much on there! and delete their news feed, not them as friends :)
Let me tell you what I've done: Blocked the feed and then if they ask me about it, I'm honest and say "I don't actually agree with you on that issue, so I don't read what you post." All of my friends know that I'm an asshole, though, so it's easy for me to say stuff like that to them.
Or, you could just say you avoid topics on Facebook that tend to offend easily, like politics and religion.
Hmmm...
- Join the "Facebook Protection Program"
- Tell her you're going back to MySpace and to write you there (make a mock profile)
- Secretly flag her profile to the Facebook team (or her posts)
- Blame the fact you haven't seen her stuff on FB changing their set up again
- Hire a hitman
and my only serious suggestion:
Keep her as a friend, but go into your profile settings and custom block her from seeing all your updates, postings and info. You can say you don't use FB that much anymore and because she's blocked from seeing all your activity, she won't know otherwise. You'll just have to ignore whatever she throws up on FB.
Wait. Does she read your blog?
Okay, you could be all adult like Jenni suggests. Or you could just block the feed, and then when they ask you about something, you say, "I must have missed that," or "I don't know how I didn't see it." Then you let them tell you about it while you look calmly out the window over their shoulder. I've hidden several people for this exact reason, but fortunately I don't see them IRL.
I once dropped someone from facebook for using the wrong for of "their, there, they're"...seriously I am stone cold like that.
Here's another vote for remaining friends and just hiding or blocking their feed from your homepage. I've done it twice with people (I look at their wall from time to time to see if there's anything worth commenting on) and I hide every effing Farmville, Farm Town, Virtual Aquarium ad nauseum (with the emphasis on nauseaum) so that garbage doesn't clutter up my home page.
Unfriend them and blame it on the kids dicking around with the computer... that's what I did.
Hide them or ignore them. When they ask if you saw it be honest and say that you did not. If they ask your opinion just say that you prefer to not talk about that kind of thing, in person or online. After a few times they will get the point. Hopefully.
Yeah...that's a tough one. I would probably go along with blocking their feed too. Then at least you don't have to loose any sleep and they think you're reading their rants.
do they not act like douchebags in real life? how can you stand to be their friend?
Drop sarcastic and biting comments on their links and statuses. There, now THEY are uncomfortable. :)
Don't de-friend. It only makes the drama worse. I would hide them in the feed and then when asked explain that I didn't read whatever it was because whatever the topic was wasn't really my thing
Just another reason I de-friended myself my facebook. It was too much drama and as much as I wanted to de-friend certain people it was never possible without being attacked about it or lying about it and I just couldn't keep up. I think facebook is great if you don't take it too seriously. For some it's High School all over again. If you have to de-friend her, so be it. And if she asks 'why?' or asks 'did you see that article, blah, blah I posted?' then you politely say 'no, i was too busy blogging about how ridiculous you sound on facebook'
Since I barely get on facebook I wouldn't know how to de-friend, block, or anything else. Then I can honestly say; "no I didn't see that". That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Here via Ptin. I have mixed feeligns about facebook - I liek seeing what peope are up to but hate all the games, nudges, political stuff and so on. I agree, that's what blogs are for. So I block as much of it as I can, but leave people on as friends for fear they iwll be hurt. BUT, I readily tell people my policy of blocking all the things I consider irrelevant.
I'm with CK. Hire a hitman.
I'm with CK too!
Yes, Facebook stirs up lots of moral dilemmas. I keep getting friend requests from people I see all the time and don't necessarily want to socially network with online. How can I make comments about working at school if the principal is on my friend list? How can us girls talk about our husbands if one of the husbands is on my list? And why do all these teenagers at the high school want to be on my list? Crap-ola, I'm not this popular in REAL LIFE!
I am a big fan of de friending. Just click the button and move on. I've found that the people that spend so much time updating their opinions aren't seeking yours anyway. I'm pretty sure they won't even know you're gone.
Hide 'em. I have a Facebook friend who is a true nut just one post away from cracking, so I block the feed. I'm a little afraid to un-friend him since he is certifiable, so I pretend he's not there. Unfortunately, the same can't be done for the laundry.
If you delete them as friends then they'll definitely find out. Then you'll have to explain anyway. This may just be something you have to deal with.
If you want to stay friends with them, don't de-friend them- just hide their feed.
If it's time to burn the bridge, then de-friend them and block them. That way they won't be able to see that you exist, and you won't have to see that they exist, either.
Hmm, well, I don't pay too much attention to Facebook. It's just another time suck between blogging and twitter. The next time they ask if you've seen their FB comments, just say, "Oh, I have quit wasting my time on that site. I have more important things to do."
OR you could always tell them the truth, kindly, on FB or in person. Say something like, "You certainly have a strong opinion! Are you ready to face the music?" or "I may not agree with you but I still love you!"
I was JUST talking to a friend today about being straightforward and honest (tactfully) with friends. Because, after all, strangers who are brutally honest aren't looking for our best interests, right? If your friends are really your true friends, they will be able to handle your opinions. After all, don't you have as much right to yours as they do to theirs?
Oh, one more idea: if they ask you "Have you seen my comment about..." just answer "Yes". Don't offer an explanation, just say, "Yep I saw it." If they ask, "Well what did you think?" just reply, "Well, did I reply to your comment thread? No? Then you already know I don't want to talk about it."
If they ask, they gotta be ready for your answer.
OR be honest. Call them out. I am all about, if you don't ask for my opinion then maybe I should keep it to myself. BUt if you ask for my opinion, you can't be pissed at me when I give it to you. After all YOU ASKED.
Just an idea!
I am with Mrs Montoya on this one. I just defriend and move on. And then I am honest with them (only is they ask.)
Balls to the wall girl! Defriend them. I just defriended a family member with no regrets. If they ask why, tell the truth and be tactful. I block people that drive me crazy, games and other apps. I ignore lots of requests to join this or that or have a pillow fight. You have the right to use FB the way you want to and not be subjected to the whims of others.
Tell her you have blocked all people who make political comments that you don't agree with.
I put up a note that said. "If you watch FOX news, DE-friend me now!"
Twice.
I think I'll go post that again right now.
If they are dissing you, then you should give them fair warning and ask them to stop or else.
If they do it to everybody, then let them know that it offends you and tell them that you are going to remove them so that you do not have to see it any more.
Drop the feed. Just tell them you're trying to spend less time online (if you can do it with a straight face).
Facebook is a strange place indeed.
I've never understood why people bring facebook posts up in face-to-face conversations.
Anyway, I vote for "hide the feed, don't defriend." If they care enough to talk about fb, they'll care a LOT about defriending.
I agree with Jenni ... "Let me tell you what I've done: Blocked the feed and then if they ask me about it, I'm honest and say "I don't actually agree with you on that issue, so I don't read what you post."
I would also just hide their updates and such, and when they ask you if you've seen such and such that they posted, you can honestly just say no.
I would hide their feeds and go into your privacy settings so that they can't see what you are doing on FB. Then you don't have to see them and they can't see you.
Apparently you didn't get the memo.
http://peace.facebook.com/
Facebook resolves conflicts, silly!
Where is the "Tolerance" ? When I first saw this post and started reading I thought to myself, "oh no. she's one of those." So I will tell you what my SIL told me.. "Facebook is not real life." If you are friends with somebody then hide their feed if you don't like what they are saying. It's kinda like e-mail, if you don't like it, delete it. If you're not really friends with them then it should be no skin off their back OR yours.. right? Hide the feed. I can't tell you how many times people close to me have un-friended me simply because they don't like my religion or my politics or the fact that I brushed my teeth at 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon. So fucking what!? It's Facebook! It's not real life. Get a grip. Oh and if you voted for Barack Obama you probably won't like my blog either. Oh WELL. (Nice post BTW)
I just delete the people and when they ask why I tell the truth but then again people know me well enough that they usually don't have to ask!
Those people sound super annoying. I don't know if I could be friends with them in real life.
Defriend. They probably won't even notice you are gone. And if they do just say "Hmm...thats weird. Must be a facebook glitch or something."
I would just hide their feed and when they ask about things they posted tell them you didn't see it. That isn't a lie.
If it bugs you that much block the feed (yeah I pretty much just said what everyone else did but hey, oh well).
No sense getting angst by their postings or feeling angst about friending them or not.
Do like I do! Just never go there! LOL!
Ummmmmmmmmmm. I think you need to change your name and relocate your family. Might I suggest Anastasia Von Peckerbutt? It's, like, so not attention-y.
P.S. I have not been drinking wine.
I hardly have an original thing to say about this... but shall add my two cents anyway. Just block them. Then nothing will come up on your feed. I've done that to a few people who annoy the shit out of me by continually posting garbage that makes me insane.
I know that it's a little passive aggressive but if you want to keep the friendship and not rock the boat, it's not the worst thing in the world.
Drop 'em. Like hot potatoes. Silently though. The rules of facebook seem to be non existent so I say slink off "ignorant like."
I think not only should you block them, but then have them killed. They're TOTALLY asking for it. Just think of it as the kick-off to your revenge-killing business!
The thing that finally turned me against facebook? Mafia Wars. Can anyone explain the point of THAT?
eh, I'm not shy .. I just tell them "Look, you're posts give me a headache, I had to de-friend you" ;) but, that's just me, and my friends expect it lol
Honesty isn't always the best policy. I had a similar problem. All of my work colleagues started sending invites, then team leaders joined in right up to management. It got so they were spying on your personal life to see whether or not you were lying about being ill or why you were late or anything else. I deleted them all then deactivated my account for a month. I'm back on line now and haven't really had any come back.
I've seen actual friendships end because of crap people have said on FB. It's asinine. Drop them like a bad habit. Or like a cliche that hasn't been used since 1989. You could always delete them, then go invisible and just say you canceled your account. Which seems a rather elaborate lie now that I think of it. Maybe just telling them they're being asshats would workout better.
Just hit "delete" and be on your way. If they ask about something related to the FB later, just tell them you're not into it anymore!
"that new news feed crap totally mixed everything up, I'm not getting any of your stuff anymore..." and that's that! :)
I would de-friend them anyway. Explain that just because you appreciate their friendship in real life their online displays of "facebook friendship" are a little over the top for you personally and they shouldn't take offense to it. If they do, you can only say you are being honest. In the long run they should appreciate your friendship more for your honesty.
Seriously, I can't believe how much drama people put into Facebook. Make your own guidelines and stick to them. If these people are actually your friends in real life, they should respect your wishes. I think I've been de-friended, but I have enough others, I really don't care. I actually get more upset when I lose blog readers. ;) jk.
You can hide that person's news feed and then you don't have to find out their opinions until you decide to go directly to their profile. I have one "friend" whose political opinions are so opposite of mine and it just made me dislike him, so I took him off the news feed, but not off the friend list. But I've also defriended some old high school classmates that made me feel a little like they were stalkery. I friended at first to be polite, but I've now come to the conclusion that if I can't remember your name or face, I'm sorry, why do you care that much about my life? I don't need you as a "friend." Them's the brakes and I am an adult and can make these decisions for myself. They sent friend requests again, but I ignored them, and that was that.
I *never* friend anyone from work. LinkedIn is for my work people. If my boss asked me I would politely say, no, I just don't do that. But I really try to avoid talking about work on-line period. Too many people I know have been burned that way. Major and minor.
Man, that's a tough one. The most annoying thing my FB friends do is post their Bejeweled Blitz scores and tell me all about their goddamned lost sheep in FarmTown or whatever. But it's easy to block THAT stuff...I think I'd block it, and then if they ask you could tell them that you must have missed that one - too much to read, too little time, etc.
bwhahaha, i love the "start a fucking blog" remark. So true.
Block the feed, don't bring it up, and if they call you on it, say you just use Facebook to relax, not to get into a debate with loud, opinionated, small minded morons. They should understand.
I just unfriended a bunch of people. They don't comment on me, they have enough of their own and if they notice I'm going to blame the FB changes they just made ROFL
I agree with what the first poster said. Just say you didn't see it, it won't be a lie if you delete their news feed. I've had to do that with a couple of people as well.
I have hidden so many people it's not even funny.
My husband however, had to unfriend the husband of one of my good friends because every time he posted something, the guy would start arguing with him on his page. So now we have that uncomfortable situation to deal with at parties *bonus*.
Defriend and tell them you're sick of their immature bullshit. Do it. I hate FB. I'm on it, but I hate it.
A hitman. Do you know how much money I will have coming to me? tee.hee.
Just block my feed and stop worrying.
That would absolutely be a tough one for me. I'd probably keep them, and ignore their politically skewed and sensationalist articles, saying I only have time to glance at status updates or something.
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