I thought I'd center the button today. It feels weird and slightly dirty.
So, how's it going? Come here often? Yeah? Well everything you heard about me is a lie and you already know how this works.
New here? Really. Well how YOU doin'? Want to play some games?
Blog games! Blog games! Not any of that other weird shit. Here's how it works: You write a totally rambling and potentially incoherent post, you take that shiny purple button up there, and you use it to justify what would normally make your followers wander off in confusion. Then you leave your link with Mr. Linky and the rest of us can TRY to follow along! Bonus points if you manage to offend people!
No, not really. I made that last part up. Let's begin:
So I know I blog-threatened our house mouse last week, but then with the whole detox/cleanse thing and my son getting sick, I didn't really have time to wage full-out war. I put out a couple of token traps, just to let him know that I knew he was there. Which he promptly mocked by eating the peanut butter from without setting them off. And then, to add insult to injury, the little fucker waltzed across my living room Friday night while I was sitting on the couch, trapped under a sleeping toddler.
The next day, in between doing vomit laundry and providing a cushy surface on which my son could nap, I sealed up the hole under the sink that I suspected he was using to access the garbage. He got in anyway, and as if the chewed-up garbage bag weren't enough evidence, he left his fecal calling card on top of the garbage catcher. Oooohhhhh, he's got tiny steel ones, this boy.
So today, because it was a holiday and my son was feeling well enough to shoo out into the backyard with his father, I launched an assault. That mousey bastard screwed up by running in front of me - now I know his paths. I put traps in likely spots, baited with scant amounts of peanut butter, and removed every other food source I could find, including the garbage.
Good way to spend the long weekend, no? That one's for you, Queen Victrola - don't say Canadians never went to war on your behalf.
What? It's Queen Victoria?
Whatever. I had the day off.
I know a great big bunch of you are going to leave another comment about, "Cat! Get a fucking cat already!". I know, internets, I know. If you can explain to me how to do that without making my dog's head explode, that would be helpful. Dog brains are messy.
While I had the house a boy-free zone, I also broke out the cordless drill and put up some drapes that have been sitting there, mocking me, for months. Yesterday I hauled two dead trees out to the dumpster and did other yardwork. I feel all manly now. Like I should pop a woody and crack a cold one.
Um, no, okay. They were just fucking drapes.
This detox/cleanse thing has revived my bizarre dream life. I haven't had my good weird dreams (ie, no zombies) since pregnancy, and I missed them. They're a little more disjointed now, but last night I was doing shooters in a nightclub while buying teapots and Mexican dresses.
In my dream, I mean. Ahem. Really.
I had a salad, a couple of slivers of chicken, and some juice for dinner and I'm not hungry. That seems....just so fucking wrong.
Okay, now that I've thought about it I'm hungry. Whoops. I'm off to rustle up some celery sticks or something equally enticing. I bet you have some babbling to do - grab the button and make it happen!
68 people talked back :
I'm first, I'm first yea!! Elle just had a mouse problem, hers was living under her bed, eating left over Easter candy. I think you sound a wee bit stressed, between a mouse, vomit, and not eating, I'd say you had a week from hell. Way to go with the "manly" chores, you rock!
Damn, that mouse DOES have balls of steel. That must have been so hard not chasing after him since you were pinned under X and stuff. I like feeling manly and doing yardwork. It beats the hell outta scrubbing toilets and vacuuming. Happy Tuesday, may you not accidentally eat a mouse turd in your Raisin Bran.
Great job on the filling food.
HA! Mouse, will die! I know some peopel have both cats and dogs and I don't know how they do it. Our Stupid cat is queen of the house for some reason I've yet to figure out.
I've heard using steel wool to block mouse holes works, although I'm not sure it will work since your mouse already has steel as part of his anatomy. This is better advice than getting a cat, though, isn't it?
I'd have moved out until my significant other caught the damn mouse. No way, no how would I still be able to live with that thing. Kahuntes of steel though this mouse. No doubt.
I went itunes buying the other day and re-found my beloved Cranberries. The Zombie song made me think of you. Though this new dream sounds like a lot o fun!
And as always, you simply made me laugh today, so thank you.
Mice love peanut butter. That's how we caught our little fuckers. It's too bad they were so teeny and cute though.
Great job with the yardwork and lumber. You need to subsist on more than celery if you're gonna do all this gruff stuff! (I rhymed woohoo!)
How does your dog feel about snakes?
Thank you for centering that damn sign, its given me the shakes since I started doing this.
Cats are cool. Really. We have a 12 yr. old house cat who asks every day of his life why he couldn't have been adopted by a family who let him be an outside cat. He caught a mouse once, and earned his keep. Yup, in the house. At first I thought it was one of his Kitty Hooch toys. Nice Kitty.
I would never suggest a cat, my MIL has eleven and they are so not worth the lack of mousiness.
I don't do yard work, ever. But occasionally taking out the trash makes me feel manly, maybe that's just because of the garbage smell. Not on me...in the garbage.
Never knew Captain Dumbass was OCD! I'd uncenter it just to see him shakin'.
Cats are great mousekillers---sometimes. I had one once, a cat that is,and she had no desire whatsoever to go off and kill mice. It just wasn't happening in her world. That was the last cat I will ever have.....
The detox/cleanse dream doesn't sound all that bad. Keep up the great work! You know, if you want to, if you feel up to it, and if you are motivated enough! (Mouse trapping CAN make a girl hungry, dammit!)It always seems the less a person eats the less hungry they are. Makes no sense but I've found this to be true. CAR-RAZY!
Great RTT!
The fact that I never noticed the sign was off center now makes ME shake a little..
Or maybe it's because I need to eat breakfast.
Happy R-T-T, Now E-A-T!
Celery, of course.. :-)
Damn it! I didn't know there was a points system. Now I need to go back to rewrite. Then I read on to find out your were just fucking with me.
Oh I'll get you my pretty and your little doggie too. Baaahhh...
Keep that fiber level up while you trap that mouse. Then you can level a little fecal matter of your own.
I often pop a woody and crack a cold one after doing something manly...if my wife says it's ok.
Happy RTT!!
You get a day off to celebrate a queen? Why can't I be Canadian?
Oh. Right.
We have a cat and two dogs...luckily the presence of a cat hasn't made their heads explode, but I think it's a trade off - the cat has watched a mouse stroll right on past the front of his paws and he just looked at it with disdain. So I'm guessing the only kind of cat that will round up your mouse with the steel ones would definitely make your dog's head explode, so yeah, I wouldn't get one either.
I'm impressed with your manly efforts...and your disjointed dreams sound kinda fun... ;)
Happy RTT!
It sounds like the dreams are totally worth the lack of food. No? Ok.
From now on, you need to keep something heavy close at hand (no, NOT X) to pitch at the mouse next time he makes his appearance. You can at least stun him long enough to sweep him up & throw him out of the house.
Great instructions :)
Bummer about the mouse.
It's kind of creepy though when you pet catches one.
Get a barn kitten from a farmer. They're the mouse killers.
And I say kitten because most dogs will tolerate kittens without explosions, and then are protective about them after they're grown.
I can't go after a mouse alone. I need a team that I direct from on top of the couch holding a broom, just in case it tries to come for me.
Don't be so sure about the cat being any help. My friend had a cat named Tiger. A mouse moved in. She gave the mouse no thought trusting Tiger's anti-mouse instincts. She walked into the kitchen one day to find Tiger and the mouse touching noses and softly pawing each other.
Eat something woman. Oh and those traps where you don't see the mouse after it's caught work really well. I had a little intruder once who ate a whole can of Planters Peanuts before I realized he was in my room.
Happy RTT!
DON'T get a fucking cat. Fuck the dog brains... you think mouse turds are annoying? You have to clean up cat shit too! Don't do it! OK?! Save yourself from something else to clean up. For the amount of money you will spend paying for the cat for the next 10 years on shit-sand and cat food, not to mention vet visits, toys, etc... just hire the fucking exterminator.
Why doesn't your dog do anything about the mouse? I have yet to have a dog that doesn't drag a dead one to my feet like it's a fucking sight to behold. And then they always wants treats for a job well done.
Maybe I'll just start renting my dog out like a canine exterminator.
Doesn't the centering look beautifully symmetrical? Having it off center made me nervous.
We have a dog and 2 cats and everyone seems to get along for the most part. Dogs are pretty adaptable, I think it is harder to introduce a new dog than new cats. If you want to get a cat, the local shelter may allow you to bring your dog to see how he reacts. We did that with our dog, but he fooled us and chased the cats at first. He still chases them occasionally, but I figure it breaks up the monotony of sleeping and eating that is the cats' existence.
you don't need a cat (although cats are lovely) you are a very good cat. i can see you now ...
sitting quietly, watching that mouse hole. then as he sticks his little head out and looks around, he doesn't see you. you get down on your haunches and wiggle your butt. he scurries across the floor and you POUNCE! SCORE!
then your family walks in and you have a bloody mouse hanging from your lips. they take away your ozzy osbourne albums. oh well, you haven't listened to them in ages.
Whatever you do, don't buy the toxic stuff to feed the mouse with steel ones...my boss at our salon way back when made that mistake and we spent months smelling the absolute worst smell ever after he died in the walls somewhere. And after that cheerful thought, loved this post (ok, I actually love all of your posts, but it is Random Tuesday Thoughts).
Ok dude, wtf is up with mr linky? I hate him. Not you, him.
Hide on top of the counter and pounce on the mouse with your foot, a frying pan, or whatever you can find. You may have to clean up mouse guts but at least he will be gone.
Just thinking about your dinner makes me want to eat a pizza. Seriously!
I am glad your son is feeling better.
You should crack a cold one, it is therapeutic.
Although I have not yet joined n the random fun, I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy them scattered across the internet.
Enjoyed your post, should have known you would be the queen of random.
here's a funny video about how to catch a mouse....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULbMpUu9Bqs
Oh my, i didn't know mouses have "fecal calling cards".. if so.. maybe one day they can start their own business with that... who knows maybe HE and his gang are already on that as we speak .. and you know where???.. right under your kitchen floor!! yeah that's right!! go rip off that kitchen floor to bust them up:P(except, don't do that.. it's a trap... their main branch is under the bathroom tiles:)))
Happy RTT(and no, not rat:P) Keely!
Our cat is useless, all he does is point out the spiders these days, which prompts my wife to send me out to kill whatever it is that has encroached on our home. CD beat me to it, I was going to say get a snake, HA!
I can't go the car route. My dog is a great hunter of mice. Trapped one under the sofa. Sat the dog on one side and I was on the other. Scared it through towards my dog and she gulped it up.
We had a mouse last year, and we sealed up all the holes we could find with steel wool and that expanding foamy stuff. It seems to have worked.
Also, our cat? PSHAW. Lazy sack of good for nothing hair is what she is.
That mouse has got nerve Keely, imagine walking across your living room floor while you were there and trapped under a sleeping toddler! That happens to me too! But last night we caught a mouse! Hubby put a sticky fly paper randomly on the floor, and wham, it got stuck to it and it couldn't get out.. it was so gross, you could actually see it breathing but it couldn't move from all the sticky stuff all over it.. it seemed cruel, but that's what they get from being all sneaky.. LOL
Go eat some real food. :D
Happy Tuesday! :)
I know there's no prize, but getting to read your beautiful blog is a prize in itself. I'm supposed to tell you WEE - NIE!
You know what the answer to the dreams is. . . your just going to have to get pregnant again. Or drink a lot. Drinking a lot would work too. You can handle that, can't you?
Sorry about the rat...er...mouse...er...whatever. They can be so gross! No. They ARE so gross!
At least it wasn't a big ole' spider though. Those scary me even more.
We have three cats, so if you need one for the mouse, let me know. The one doesn't have any teeth, but he can gum that mouse pretty good and leave him sopping wet.
I'm glad I don't have mice - my kitties only chase light. You know, the light reflected off a mirror or a laser light. They wouldn't know what to do with small critters that might fight back. Good luck with those traps!
You are a hardy Mouse Warrior! Good luck with that. And wow about not even being hungry! I'm going to check into this.
Not all cats are mousers. Lots of them just sit around and ignore the little vermin.
Traps. Not very nice, but definitely effective. We have some laying around from a physics project...
We had mice for awhile - it was awful! Good luck with that...
Great job on the weight loss an appetite control!
I bet you are gonna kick that mouses's ass. remember it's a war! he's only won the battle.
dude, that mouse is trying to rule you. good for you for showing it who's boss and making good on your blog threat.
I'm addicted to this show called Everest that comes on at 11:00 pm and the only reason I'm mnetioning it is that they play the commercial for this thing: https://www.riddexplus.com/flare/next?tag=os|sm|go several times during each episode. I thought about it when i was reading your post. I hate the commercial, but maybe it works?
I'm pretty the whole cat chasing mouse thing is over rated. Mine would be useless.
I heard you can get them to drown themselves if you set up a bucket with water and a ruler like a little plank. Apparently, they just jump right in.
Good luck.
We had a sneaky mouse not long ago too. I tried every trick and trap in the book. Finally, I put out one of those sticky traps--seemed cruel--but it caught the little sucker and set an example for his little friends...Good luck getting rid of yours!
I'm in. Now I'll read yours :)
Good Lord! This detox/cleanse thing is turning you into a MAN! Hm, Keelyman.. interesting concept. TWO dead trees? I mean, I would have stopped at just the one.
I finally batted for the RTT team this week again! I have/d a sick kid too, though I narrowly escape the puking phase.
*wandering away in confusion*
Stupid mouse! Kill him! I'm proud that you've stuck with the cleanse! Yay! And good job with the drapes. You should show us pics!
Playdate was at my house today- sugared up kids playing Mousetrap while watching Tom & Jerry. Finally remembered it was RTT time.
Skip the cat. Call an exterminator. Seriously - I was battling the little buggers for months this year. Pick up the phone & pay the mousie mafia whatever they want - there is a reason Tom always loses
We have 3 cats and no mice...not because of the cats, because of the house rabbits. The smallest household member, Ponce deLeon measures a whopping 7" long (he's a mini rex) and he RULES, with an iron fist. The cats are afraid of him; obviously the mice as well.
"pop a woody and crack a cold one"!!! LOL!!!
I admit it. I LOVE using the cordless drill. So what if you just hung drapes? Still got to put a hole in the wall!
Just say NO to celery. It's the devil's vegetable. We recommend a nice, fresh cucumber or perhaps some grilled eggplant. No celery. Ever.
Those bait trays work, mice breed so fast that you need to get something that they will pass on to the rest of the mice, put a couple of bait traps out, then you can get a woody and crack open a cold one!
One of these weeks i'm going to get my act together and participate in this phenomenon you have going here..it's like an empire of wrongness. Which is probably why I love it so much!
Love, love, LOVE your blog. Today is my first Random Tuesday...stay tuned!
SURE that was just a dream... sounds just like spring break in cancun...
I did random Tuesdays. One of these days, I will remember to write one myself.
Have I mentioned about how my cats would just play with the mice and not eat them? I can't remember! *LOL*
I would go with a ferret, but that's just me. They're really cute, but I don't think they like mice.
That really didn't help much, did it?
No ferret! They smell.
Food affects my dreams too.
I am not too keen on mice either tho.
I so want to play along with this. You need to remind me on MONDAY when I write Tuesday's post so I don't forget. Don't you like how I shifted the blame here. I'm crafty like that...
What the hell is wrong with your dog that he can't get the job done?! Could he need corrective lenses?
My dog chased everything from crickets to frogs to squirrels to deer! Course, he was a greyhound...
Whatever you do, don't get a cat. Cat people are weird. Here's proof.
Cats?! No No Cats!
Post a Comment