So I may have whined excessively mentioned yesterday that we're spending a few days in hell hubby's hometown for a belated Christmas with the inlaws. He intended to get the Honda serviced at the dealership and then hit the road. So this morning, he said, "I just have to pack.".
He threw some socks and underwear into a duffle bag, picked out a couple of comics to read while we're there, and announced, "Okay, good to go.".
Really? Okay, just give me a few minutes to pack my clothes & toiletries, pack our son's clothes and toiletries, pack his diapers, butt wipes, formula, bottles (which need to be washed first), snacks, a couple of toys, his Pack n' Play, crib blankets, high chair, snow pants, and infant Advil.
Oh, and the dog's food, dishes, treats, and leashes.
And the Christmas gifts.
NOW we're good to go.
Men.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Men: Can't live with them, and you'd think it would be easier to poison them for the insurance money
If a spider falls into my wine, I'll never be the same again: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Woo! It's Tuesday again! I think it is, anyway. These holiday thingies are starting to mess with my sense of time, which has never been that great, to be honest.
We're heading out to hubby's hometown to spend a belated Xmas with the inlaws, so posting may be sparse. Or dense, depending on how badly I need to escape and just how much I'm self-medicating. So if you're going to play today, be sure to leave your linky in your comment because I can't guarantee when I'll be able to link you up. Or how sober I will be at the time. I could get it wrong entirely and send unsuspecting blog readers off to look at goat porn.
So, ready for Ye Olde Randome Tuesdae? Follow along!
I'm blogging and drinking as usual and my red wine got accidentally chilled (the bottle was sitting by a window). I'm ashamed to admit I kind of like it. I know, how classy can you get? Okay, well, I drink it out of a coffee cup in the first place, so I didn't have too far to fall.
This post got interrupted earlier when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tiny movement above my shoulder. It was a rather large spider, descending from the ceiling, all eight legs - the four that are justifiable and the four that are totally creepy and unnecessary - splayed wide. So I did what any rational adult would do, I shrieked like a little girl and just about broke my own neck falling out of the chair backwards. Then I grabbed the closest two books and smacked that little bugger between them.
They happened to be graphic novels, so now there are spider brains all over my Buffy Omnibus 1 & 2. See? She's still slaying icky things.
Anyway, haha on you Mr. Dead Spider! You think you're so fast with that completely gratuitous amount of limbs, but NOBODY is fast when they're hanging from the ceiling by their ass.
The thing is, this is not an isolated incident. It's like the fourth time that I've been sitting here minding my own business, and a spider has pulled a Mission Impossible right beside me. So I either have an inordinate amount of arachnids dangling from my ceiling on a regular basis, or THEY KNOW. Somehow they know that it will freak me out, and they're willing to risk their lives just to fuck with me.
Inordinate Amount of Arachnids would be a great name for a band.
Dear Makers of Advil Pediatric Drops,
Would it fucking kill you to make your bottle CLEAR? So that at 3am, when I'm half asleep and juggling a 30-lb turkey toddler who's trying to set a new world record for how many teeth he can cut at once as well as trying to maneuver your stupid-ass-design syringe thingie into his mouth, it will take me less than 20 minutes to realize the bottle is empty? Thank you.
Also, while I have you on the line, your product is NOT LIQUID GOLD. Seriously. 8 fucking dollars for 24 ml? C'mon.
I'd switch to Tylenol, but apparently my child has inherited my bizarre physiology that sneers at acetemetophin products and can only be subdued by ibuprofen.
Upcoming small-town inlaw-visiting hell. Really lookin' forward to it. Can you tell? We haven't even gotten there yet and there's already drama, because we've elected to stay with hubby's sister instead of his parents. The reason we're doing this - the one we're giving them anyway - is we're toting along the dog and they don't like her. But apparently they're offended anyway. The kicker is that hubby's sister and parents live FOUR HOUSES APART. What difference does it make where we sleep? Are they planning to creep on my son while we're dozing?
Ugh...actually, they probably are.
They don't want to see us anyway, just the grandson. I'd totally put him on a bus and ship him there, but, y'know, he's 15 months old. He may not understand why his seatmates smell like urine.
Also I might miss him. And they might not give him back.
Anyway now I have to go wipe spider bits off my comics before the stain sets in, and I've probably horrified you enough. Grab the button, randomize, and leave a comment with your link! Happy freakin' Tuesday!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
This isn't a New Years Resolution, because then I would be one of those New Years Resolution People, and I mock those people
I guess it's the New Year coming up. And I guess that means I should get back on the HASAY bandwagon, because I fell off so hard I think I broke a cheekbone.
Sigh.
So ya'll probably want an update, and here it is: I gained 3 lbs in the month of December. I have no idea how I did that. It should have been WAY more.
I think I went to the gym a grand total of four times, and I ate everything - EVERYTHING - in sight. And there was a lot in sight. There was some kind of unspoken contest going on at the office over who could bring the most decadent treats each day. I've been accused of starting the trend, when all I brought was one fucking plate of cookies. My cookies morphed into someone's rice krispie cakes, which turned into shortbread, which became a plate of fudge. FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS. The boss did something nice for a client, so in return she brought two plates the size of my whitewall tires filled with goodies. And everything resided less than 6 feet from my desk.
And - gah! - since I don't arrive at work until noon, people started saving me portions of the mornings offerings. How am I supposed to refuse that?
So, yeah. Three pounds is getting off lightly.
Er, no pun intended.
So now I have to drag my ass to the gym with all the other New Years Resolution People, which is totally unfair because I make this resolution at lots of OTHER times of the year, too. It will be crowded and annoying and I will hate it.
And I have to get back with the "program", that is, Weight Watchers. Which is a fine program and it works but it's, y'know, a DIET. Yes, I know, it's a lifestyle change, blah blah, but it's not really much of a change for me (December is an anomaly), just a reduction in calories. Which is also known as a DIET. I don't really "do" diets, just like I don't really "do" New Years resolutions.
Can you tell I'm kind of dragging my feet this time around?
So, armed with my new Christmas gift Weight Watchers recipe book (which, even though I totally wanted it, and even blogged about getting back on the program, and it came from my MOM who loves me no matter what shape I am, still kind of hurt my feelings. A teeny bit. Yeah, programming runs deep), I shall venture forth into the fray one more time.
One LAST time.
Because I'm not fucking doing this again, I swear. I'm going to get back to 140 and I'm going to STAY THERE.
So, break out your whips and chains, HASAYers. Flog me back into shape, share your inspirational stories, your recipes that don't suck. Casey, lie to me about how much you're actually working out and see if you can find my competitive streak.
Help.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Spin Cycle: It's no secret
So this week Jen over at Sprite's Keeper mixed it up a bit for the Spin Cycle. She doesn't want us to talk about ourselves.
I know - what the hell?
Anyway, in the giving spirit of the season, she wanted us to be 'Secret Santa' to one of our favorite blogs, and sing their praises in a post dedicated just to them. From my list of favorite blogs she assigned me Get the Stink Off, because, as she said, "it should be a challenge".
I'm pretty sure she meant because it's just so awesome, I wouldn't know where to start.
I'm full of booze Christmas cheer so it seemed like a good time to wax poetic about Cameron's blog. Except that if you spend any time here, you'll know how poetic I'm NOT. I'll just say it's awesome. It sounds more believable anyway.
Cameron at Get the Stink Off is one of those semi-rare creatures, a "daddy blogger" running with the pack of the rest of us mommy bloggers. I love reading his posts, because you never know what you're going to get. I mean, it's always well-written and clever, but one day he can write a poignant and gut-wrenching post about the horrifying possibility that you accidentally harmed your own child, and the next day write something so hysterically, typically MALE. Like wanting hot lesbian sex for Christmas. Or an entire post about the pride of being a carnivore. He writes things that we're all thinking but would never say out loud. And - a total bonus around this joint - he regularly makes shit up.
Cameron was one of the first people to spot the genius that is my other blog, and he leaves witty and sarcastic comments there that make me laugh, and then make me want to lobotomize myself before my son gets to his kids' age. I don't comment on his blog as often as I should, usually because my scathing wit is not up to the task. I'm sarcastic - he's ACIDIC. If ya'll haven't visited his site, you should. Go on, git.
So, dude, this not-so-secret Santa's for you. It comes with a scotch on the rocks, but you have to come to Canada to get it. Merry merry!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I'm not taunting the search engines, honest: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Woo hoo! It's Tuesday! Time to vomit my brain's contents dazzle you guys with some random mental wanderings! And here's what I'm thinking about today...
(Ugh. I just heard that last sentence in Elmo's voice. Guess what Keely is thinking about today? Committing suicide!).
My Warhammer witch elf is still pretty naked, but apparently somehow now her loincloth offers more protection. At least to the crotch area, I guess. She dies a lot. Apparently bad guys don't generally aim for the groin.
Today on the way home from work I saw a work truck with the business name "Mr. Fixy" on it. For some reason that made me giggle all the rest of the way home. Possibly it was the office egg nog, but they don't usually start spiking that until the 24th. Much.
Okay, seriously, people. I'm getting really tired of hearing everybody panicking about how the economy is going in the crapper and we should all stop spending money because we're going to be so screwed. You know what will send the economy into a downward spiral faster than anything? IF PEOPLE STOP SPENDING MONEY. So stop fear mongering, stop hoarding, and go spend more than you have on something you don't really need, already. It's Christmas, after all.
Also, I don't really want to have to reset the global economy with a world war.
Not that I would do the resetting. Although I just totally pictured myself as God, looking down at our fucked-up planet, shouting, "Don't make me come down there! For the luvva Me!".
I just pictured myself as GOD. It's a good thing I don't believe in hell, because I'm probably going to end up there. And then I'll be all, "Yeah, it seems a little warm, but I don't know why, because I refuse to believe in my surroundings".
Somehow I just went from bitching about the economy to a psychotic denial of my environment. You see what I did there?
No, me neither.
Do you think a lump in your labia could be cancer? I hope not. Because that would be a really fucking undignified way to die.
Yeah, I should totally rename these TMI Tuesdays.
I'm blogging to the soundtrack of my dog snoring, which sounds like 'whoopwhoopwhoopwhoop', and my son snoring, which is actually a whistle. They sound like cliches. Cute, heartwarming little cliches.
It is still effing cold here. Yay for global warming, screwing with our weather. It's hard to enjoy your holiday season when your car seats are frozen and hard as cement, your furnace is running 24-7, your dog can't go out for a pee without whining because her paws hurt so much, and stuff like this is going on.
(I love how they named the search dog in the headline. Because he's going to read the article, and be pissed that they didn't mention him by name?)
I just re-read this post and I'm totally dreading the google searches I get. All I needed to do was throw a dildo in there for good measure.
Whoops.
Want to play? (Er...the random thoughts game, NOT the dildo, you pervs). Grab a button, slap it up there, and leave me a comment or shoot me an email and I'll link you up!
Happy Random-mas!
Monday, December 22, 2008
A list of things I may consider possibly resolving to do in the New Year. If I feel like it.
1. I'm going to stop eating all my son's Goldfish crackers. For real.
Or at least buy extra.
2. I'm going to get back on the HASAY bandwagon. Again. And start doing the Weight Watchers thing. Again. Because I'm starting to reach narwhal proportions. Again.
Pretty sure it's all the Goldfish crackers.
3. I'm going to stop tormenting my in-laws by saying things like, "You know what I lay awake at night wondering? How I can fortify the house when the zombie apocalypse happens," and "Well we're a little short on cash this month since your son spent it all on beer and crack whores.". I'm not going to go so far as to say I'll start actually listening to them when they talk, though. Baby steps, people.
4. I'm going to stop blogging at work.
5. I'm going to stop lying when I blog.
6. Starting in January, right? This is a list for JANUARY.
7. I'm going to take down the tree before it becomes a fire hazard Groundhog Day, for SURE this year.
Okay, definitely Valentines.
8. I'm going to attempt to maintain this "avoiding convenience foods for the sake of our budget" campaign I have going. For the record, it equates to ME doing a lot more cooking and the rest of the family doing their part by eating it. Why do these things always end up being more work for ME?
9. I'm going to stop turning the stupid TV on all the time. My son doesn't appear to care unless it's Elmo, and I end up pushing him out of the way because Sponge Bob is on.
10. I'm going to accomplish at least one of the things from my List of Things to Do Before I Die. Hubby says he's up for #65, Sleep naked on a foreign beach, but I'm not sure where to put the kid.
11. I'm going to donate to charity, volunteer at an orphanage, read to old people, stop bringing the property values down in the neighbourhood, show people more respect and road rage less.
12. I'm going to have to stop making unattainable lists of things I mean to accomplish.
Brought to you by Anna's Listless Mondays, whose button I can't get to work today, and it's driving me batshit.
(Okay, there it is. Phew.)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Spin Cycle: Origin Story
Jen over at Sprite's Keeper has a really interesting Spin Cycle going this week fortnight. She wants to know about our blogs' life story, it's inception, it's psyche. What made us start our blogs, and why did we name them what we did?
That's right, I'm blogging about blogging, AGAIN.
The Un Mom is pretty straight forward. I'd been writing A Letter to Xander for a little while when I realized that its format - a letter to my son - was somewhat restrictive. I mean, okay, I am someone's parent, but I didn't stop being all those other things when I gave birth. I needed somewhere to write about stuff that interested just ME, that didn't relate to parenting. Things that were un-mom-like. Therefore, The Un Mom.
But when I started thinking about a redesign, I kind of knew what look I wanted, and because I'm such a comic book nerd fan it involved comics. Rachel did such a fantastic job, it was like she was in my head (She may have been. Someone rearranged the furniture up there). And then, I started to think of the Un Mom as an actual character, like kind of a super hero.
(Except for the tiny voice that says that the Un Mom sounds more like a VILLAIN. We're just going to ignore that voice. We're pretty good at ignoring voices around here).
And every supervillainhero needs a good origin story, right? Right:
The Un Mom began as plain old SuperKeely, a superheroine with no known alter ego. In truth, she didn't need one; she was who she was (except when she wasn't, and then she had a really good PR team). Ageless, she protected the city for years, her exact powers undocumented but thought to include super strength, a pretty fast uppercut, and self deception. Occasionally she would vanish for periods of time, until her ratings went back up city needed her protection again, but the citizens always knew they could count on her.
Then she did what every good superheroine does at some point; she fell in love.
But she didn't fall in love with a villain and make him have a change of heart only to have him change his mind again and betray her, and she didn't fall in love with another superhero only to have him tragically defeated by his arch nemesis. No, SuperKeely fell in love with a regular guy. A guy who had been on her PR team for a very long time, and she felt like she'd always known him, but it never even occurred to her that they should date until her BSHF (Best SuperHero Friend) pointed it out to her. That guy had seen her knocked out cold by a C-List villain, and trip over her own cape, and he loved her the whole time anyway.
So they eloped to Vegas, and settled down, and SuperKeely fought a little less crime every day. Eventually she managed to get knocked up, and she took a year off from crime fighting altogether. Unsurprisingly, the city survived, and new heroes filled the void, which was for the best because spandex is NOT forgiving of post-pregnancy saddle bags.
But SuperKeely found that even though she loved her tiny son, and adored being his mother, she missed her work. So after some major boot camp she returned to fighting crime, at least part time. But a narrow escape with a common thug made her realize something: SHE HAD MOM-BRAIN. She couldn't focus. She couldn't pay attention to fighting crime and at the same time worry about her kid at daycare, or wonder if they should have pork chops for dinner, or muse on whether bottles with BPA in them were doing permanent damage. She was going to get herself killed.
In despair, she turned to the superhero psychologist. He advised her that while she was fighting crime, she couldn't BE a parent. She had to be SuperKeely, not somebody's mother.
SuperKeely protested that she couldn't possibly do that. The superhero psychologist, who was also a witch doctor (I know, a rare breed), told her he would hypnotize her and give her a trigger word that would grant her the power to forget her child; just long enough for a four-hour shift of fighting crime. The trigger word was "un-mom".
SuperKeely was back; but secretly, she was really the Un Mom.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Frozen Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Random Tuesday Thoughts
It's Tuesday again already? Wow. Okay. Um, as I mentioned yesterday I'm not feeling particularly blogtastic lately, so I don't know how great (or random) my thoughts will be this week.
(I am, however, getting more frequent with the made-up bullshit words. Blogtastic? Really? I think subconsciously I must be awaiting an invitational email from Joss Whedon's writing team).
Ready to be underwhelmed? Okay...let's see what my frozen brain kicks out:
I am so fucking cold. I know this is a repeat from yesterday, but Jeebus, every winter I question my choice to live here, my will to live at all, and my very sanity. And then, whoop! Once around the goldfish bowl, it's spring and I've already forgotten how much winters here SUCK DONKEY BALLS.
I should probably still try to get around to returning those library books. They're going to be all confused, they think they live here now.
Is it just me or does PeepALot sound a little more rude than what it actually is? Also, why did I enter a popularity contest when I've always been, um, differently-abled in that department?
I should have bought a lottery ticket today. I won two, count 'em, TWO giveaways! Okay, so one of them I didn't read the not-so-fine print and I didn't qualify because I'm Canadian, eh, but I still won.
Stupid border. If I won the lottery I'd look into having it erased.
How big of an eraser do you think you'd need for that?
I've now been at my job long enough that I qualify for an extra week's vacation. Great. I think I'll use it to plan faking my own death so I never have to go back there.
Purple monkey dishwasher.
...there are like 6 entries for that in the Urban Dictionary. The evolution of the english language scares the crap out of me sometimes.
Okay. That's all I've got. Really. Even I'm underwhelmed, and I'm usually pretty easily impressed.
Pretty sure you can do better. Grab the button, post your post, leave me a comment and I'll link you up...if you can stand to be seen with me, that is.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
7 reasons I don't really feel like blogging lately
1. It's the holidays and there's all this great food and baking and yummy caloriffic stuff, and it all makes me very logey (I would say bloggy, if bloggy meant what it sounds like it should mean, instead of what we know it to mean, which is adv., "having to do with blogging"). It's hard to be all thinky after that, unless said thinkiness occurs during the commercial break. Okay, I'm responsible for a lot of the baking myself, but that's just another reason I don't have the mental energy to blog; I used it all while baking stuff.*
2. My kid isn't doing anything great these days.
Okay, fine, yeah yeah, everything he does is inspirational and amazing and cue the symphony orchestra. It's just not anything I feel like writing about.
3. My witch elf on Warhammer, Stabitha, is really quite naked. Like NAY. KED. I need to get her something to wear. I suppose I could have picked one of the character types with more of a penchant for garments, but she's good wholesome stabby fun. It's just a little cringe-worthy to watch her take on lions and bows & arrows (oh my!) wearing only a bra and a loincloth.
Oh, well, and she has a belt. So, y'know, she's halfway there.
4. My place of employment shuts down between Christmas and New Years, and seeing as I was on maternity leave for 3/4 of the year, I don't have any holidays coming to me. So I'm trying to cram in extra hours where extra hours don't want to fit (when what I REALLY want to do is tell them to cram the extra hours where the sun don't shine) so I can be paid for that week and we don't have a starvey, starvey Christmas.
5. Other people's high-emotion holidays make me tired. No, really. I'm like an energy vampire in reverse or something.
6. It is FUCKING FREEZING HERE this week. It's hard to think past your next sweater.
6. Did I mention the 5 extra pounds I'm now lugging around due to Christmas calorie carnage?
*This item has possibly the most made-up words I've ever used in one sentence. You're welcome.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Filler
So no sooner do I lament the lack of google weirdness on this blog, then I get a bunch of strange search strings. Be careful what you wish for, hey? So I'm doing a little roundup here because a) I should probably post something and b) they amuse me, so they might amuse you.
1. "un mom blog". Yeah, okay, I just wanted to toot my own horn that at least two, count em, TWO people are actually looking for ME. Or, y'know, someone else that by that name. But I like to think that it's me.
2. "mom whores". Um. Probably none of those around. I'll check, though.
3. "adult diaper sex". Okay. I have regretted writing that rant about diaper cakes many, many times now. And re-iterating it has probably just ensured me at least 10 more google hits from diaper fetishists. Also - EWWWWWW.
(I wonder how many pervs Cutie Booty Cakes gets?)
4. "hollywood mom". HaaahhahhahhahhahAHHHAHHAHHhahhahha! *wipes tear* That's awesome. Probably less of those here than the mom whores.
But my favorite, my absolute favorite, was this one:
That just rocks. At first I was all, holy shit! Google is psychic! How did it guess that about me just from my inane ramblings? And then I remembered that I confessed it once when I got tagged with one of those memes, so it wasn't as amazing. But still funny. All I have to say to that poor google searcher is, dude, if I could have figured out what to do with my degree via google, I would have done it a long time ago. I am going to be absolutely no fucking help to you whatsoever.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I'd send the dog to a watery grave, but I'm too lazy: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Have you ever been the kind of tired where it feels like squirrels with especially wiry fur are pushing on your eyeballs from the inside? Yeah...I'm that.
I haven't read a good book in a while. I should probably go to the library. Well, I should probably pay off my library fines first. Er...actually, I should probably RETURN the books that are overdue, and THEN pay off my library fines.
Fuck it. I'll go to Chapters.
Online.
I'm disappointed that Mattel has managed to pull the Bratz dolls off the shelf. NOW where am I going to get training dolls for my future brood of dirty slutty whores?
Oh, right. There's still Barbie.
I keep burping up fish. Wait...is this 'random Tuesday thoughts', or 'too much information Tuesday'?
I need to pay my bills. Why is there always ONE bill that I can't pay online? Seriously, people, do you even realize how lazy I am? I used to have tons of problems with my credit, not because I didn't have the money to pay stuff, but because it involved actually finding a stamp and then ALSO going to the mailbox. Yeesh. Now I'm lucky if I can remember to bring the bills over to the computer in order to pay them.
I need to find a dog walker, but my dog is insane. I'm not even sure where to begin with wording THAT ad. Let's see..."Seek extremely heavyset individual with massive upper body strength who has the vision of an eagle for spotting incoming dogs and isn't afraid to bite back". Um yep...that'll get me a lot of replies. Maybe I'll go with "Seek very active dog walker who is willing to exercise my dog for hours for minimal pay, and isn't opposed to carrying a loaded hypodermic of morphine for emergencies. Must answer to the name of 'Cesar Milan'".
Maybe I'll just look into cement dog shoes instead.
...I'm kidding!
Sort of.
Mostly.
Okay, before you all lose ALL respect for me (what? You had some, right? I mean, just a little?) I guess I'll move on to whatever Wednesday might bring. Anybody else feeling the need to spew random nonsense today? (Well, yours can make sense, if you like, I suppose, although that's not really in the spirit of the thing). Grab the button, slap it up there, shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'll link you up. Ready? RANDOMIZE!
Monday, December 8, 2008
5 lists I considered listing while I was listing THIS list
1. "Reasons why you should go check out my guest post today at Half As Good As You". Except that I thought it was kind of double-dipping to use another blog's meme to send you over to a third blog. Plus you might not come back. Anyway, all I could come up with for reasons was a) it's a post about how I let someone hook me up to electrical current and b)I'm asking really nicely.
2. "Christmas gifts I wanted to buy for my one-year-old but they were out of stock". But there are only two, Baby's First MP3 and a Melissa & Doug pull toy, and two does not a list make. I guess I could have added a Wii Fit, but that's not exactly for the kid.
3. "10 Ways to make Christmas better". That was actually a suggestion from my hubby, and I considered it (honest, honey), but it doesn't really lend itself to being entertaining. I just don't have the moral fibre required to write a whole post about volunteering in a soup kitchen or making peace with your extended family. Stealing the world's supply of Christmas carols, letting Santa get eaten by zombies, or converting to Judaism, sure. But it's probably only me that thinks those would make Christmas better.
4. "Ways to de-stress your holidays". The last list idea spun into that one, but again, too serious. I was mostly considering it because I like luring in innocent google searchers and SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.
5. "A list of a bunch of half-assed list ideas". Oh...right. That's the one I went with.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Mime Massacre
...and they totally fucking deserve it, too.
(Courtesy of some of the same warped minds who brought you War is Hell)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
73 things I want to do before I die
I found this in one of my old sketchbooks. I remembered it existed, but I haven't looked at it in a LONG time. I wrote it in university, and I've accomplished a few, but it's a pretty sad ratio considering my advanced age. So I'm posting it here in the hopes that you guys will hold me accountable.
1. Visit Scotland
2. Grow a garden Two years in a row now!
3. Get my degree
4. Learn to play guitar properly
5. Skydive
6. Rock climb (on real rocks)
7. Get a dog (I should have specified a SANE dog.)
8. Own land
9. See the pyramids
10. Write a novel It's short, but it's written
11. Learn to blow glass
12. Visit NZ again
13. Learn Spanish
14. Learn Italian
15. Learn Japanese
16. Ride a gondola (the boat kind...not the mountain kind)
17. See the Parthenon
18. See the Louvre
19. Work for myself (and support myself doing it)
20. Sell a piece I'm proud of to someone I don't know (I meant an art piece...sickos)
21. Have my own gallery show
22. Learn to snowboard
23. Learn to 'sideways stop' on hockey skates (without falling on my ass)
24. Learn a martial art
25. Learn sign language
26. Swim naked at a tropical beach
27. Learn to ride a motorbike
28 Drive across Canada
29. Visit the East coast
30. Have horses
31. Play paintball
32. Play in a band
33. Teach a class
34. Go scuba diving
35. Swim with dolphins (I'm pretty sure they were laughing at me, but I did it)
36. See a ghost
37. Organize all my photographs
38. Read all the classics
39. See one of Rothko's paintings
40. Visit the catacombs in Europe
41. Hike in a rainforest
42. Fire a handgun
43. Learn archery
44. Trace my family tree
45. Visit Italy
46. Work overseas
47. Learn to fiddle
48. Find a way to show my parents how much I really appreciate them.
49. Get a tattoo
50. Get my nose pierced
51. Be with someone I would marry (but don't need to)
52. Bungee jump
53. Have a psychic experience
54. Go waterskiing
55. Go to Burning Man
56. Be an extra (I ended up doing this a LOT, and it's not as fun as you'd think)
57. Ride in a hot air balloon
58. Go to Disneyland with my friends with my son
59. See the lava flow in Hawaii
60. Make a book Coincidentally...last weekend!
61. Sing in a gospel choir
62. See the Mayan/Aztec temples.
63. Visit the Purdy's chocolate factory
64. Learn to whistle really loud (I have been trying, and failing, at this for years)
65. Sleep on a foreign beach
66. Have my own darkroom
67. Take a basic mechanic's class
68. Learn to play poker
69. Go whitewater kayaking
70. Go surfing
71. Go spelunking
And I'm officially adding:
72. Get published (like, by someone else, not lulu.com)
73. Escort my child(ren) through to their teens with all limbs & eyes intact
So what's on YOUR list? And what do you guys think I should tackle first?
Also, if there are any sponsors reading this that want to help me out with any of these - say, the trip to Italy - I'm down with that. Because I'm a total money whore. I'll wear your logo all around Europe like I'm a friggin' NASCAR driver. Plus, I have the fake sincerity thing down to a science. Just puttin' that out there.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Forks and the popularity of procreating
So, yup, that time of week...again. I'd assume that you guys are sick of listening to the arbitrary crap my brain spews forth, except that you keep coming by, and well, what's a blog for after all? I guzzled all the had some guests drink all my wine, so I can't assure you of the weirdness quality of today's Random Thoughts, but I bet if you head over to the Neurotic Mom she's got something better.
Er, wait. I mean after you read mine. AFTER!
Ahem.
I wonder if...I mean, do you think...sometimes I...
CRAP. I have a Christmas song stuck in my head. Already? It's the first of December! It's not letting any random thoughts in. Grrr. I won't tell you what song it is, lest it gets stuck in your head too, but it rhymes with "Pringles Smell". And then it segues into 'Elmo's World', because if you've heard that a thousand times like I have, they're pretty much the same thing. Okay, I'm going to go stick a fork in my eye, that should get rid of it. Hang on.
...
Kay. It's gone. I'd better get these random thoughts out before the ambulance comes.
I wonder what your online avatars think about when you log out of your game and they're condemned to the empty void of offline-ness? Do they just stand there holding their sword and twiddling their thumbs? Do you think they angrily plot your demise for leaving them there, and that's why they're so happy to hack through virtual enemies when you log back in?
I read yet another post a while ago about the whole 'Motrin' thing and how the Motrin ad implied that babies are just the latest accessory. I mean, that's outrageous. Except that...they kind of ARE. I mean, not to me or anybody I know personally, but it sure seems like it's suddenly overly socially acceptable to be pregnant or somebody's mom. All the Hollywood celebs are doing it - if THAT doesn't say 'accessory' I don't know what does - and I see babies EVERYWHERE now. The month before I had Xander was an all-time record number of births at that hospital. And if you do a quick google search, the number of births per capita is on the rise in pretty much every Western country.
I bet it's a conspiracy. We're all being geared through media and marketing towards producing as many babies as we can. And then to buy swanky accessories for our little accessories. Who will then grow up and spawn more tiny consumers to buy accessories for.
I have no idea who's behind it, but I'm thinking it's Disney. If I suddenly go missing, I expect you guys to stage a full-on raid of the Disney corporate office.
Okay, that last tangent was pretty deep...for me. I better start thinking about cake.
Mmmm...cake.
I'm hungry.
Crap, Casey probably read that. Um...I meant..."better hit the treadmill". Yep. That's what I meant.
Before I dig myself too deep (or Disney does it for me), I'd better stop. Got a collection of off-the-top-of-your-head thoughts you want to share? Or suddenly feel inspired to make a bunch up? Grab the button, slap it up there, and start rambling. And then leave me a comment so I can link ya up.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Lighting the Proverbial Fire
