Patio

I finally bit the bullet and just paid somebody to put in our patio.

Because, otherwise, it'd be Labor Day before we managed to do it ourselves, and that would give us approximately 2 days to enjoy it before there was snow on it. We spent all last summer with a mud hole instead of a patio and I didn't feel like doing that again.

But because I spent money to get it put in, I felt like I couldn't spend a lot of money on seating. It's a pretty big area, it needs basically an entire living room furniture suite to fill it up.

(Or, a crapload of toys and bikes and garden implements and random shit, but I'd prefer the furniture.)

I know what you're going to say - Keely! Haven't you seen on Pinterest, how you can totally make furniture out of old wooden palettes and some yarn?

And yes, I have seen that. It looks...ok. But I felt like, I'm handier than that, I can wield power tools, I could one-up the wooden palettes and still do it on the cheap. Right? Right.

So I found some plans online for a patio sectional, that looked pretty do-able. About 6 seats, with an estimated 10-12 hours of work. And I thought, hey, while I'm at it I should build it out of 2x4s instead of 1x4s because it will be marginally cheaper but also HEAVY AS FUCK, and that's what I'm looking for in a sectional.

It gets windy here. You can never be too careful.

And while I am at it, I should plan to build about NINE seats, because it's a pretty big area, and also I need some plans for a center table that has built-in coolers, so I can sit and have some beers on ice without having to go into the house. I will probably build that out of 2x4s too because really, who needs to move their table ever?

Cushions? Well, I could probably sew those up. I'm handy, you know.

Oh, and I'm also on the hunt for a chandelier because Pinterest told me it would be cool to hang it from the tree and replace the lights with solar lights.

1 of 9. Before sanding or staining or cushioning. Kill me now.

I'll post a pic when it's all done.

Sometime around Labor Day.

Teal

One morning a few weeks ago, I put on a new sweater-type top that I had picked up at Sears Clearance Centre for 6 dollars. Because it was such a bargain, it wasn't a color that I'd normally choose. It was sort of a turquoise-y teal-y blue, a color family which I have largely avoided since the early nineties, when it seemed to be everywhere and was usually paired with pink. And neon. 

But, hey, six dollars.

"Ah, teal," remarked Alfred when he saw it, "The color of sarcasm."

"Um...what?"

"Sarcasm. In this one online game that I play, whenever someone enters teal font into the chat window, it's understood to be sarcastic. I just assumed that was sort of an internet standard."

"No," said I, "It's not."

A couple of weeks later, at the hairdressers, I found myself agreeing to this:

The color was planned. But it was going to be pink.  Except my hairdresser showed me this new product, and suddenly the teal was inexplicably appealing.

Then last week on a work trip to Dallas, I got it into my head that I wanted blue cowboy boots. I walked into the store and there they were:

Not blue, exactly, but definitely my boots. They came home with me and I have been planning outfits around them ever since. 

I don't know, I can't explain it, this sudden attraction to the color teal.

Make it stop

For some reason, winter is still here.

It's really pulling out all the stops this year, showing up early, staying late, breaking records. It's like the model employee that you can't fucking stand.

That's an assload of snow.I'm trying to stay positive about it - it will go away eventually! Maybe I can try to grow rice this year! - but I'm starting to get a little bitter. Seriously, enough already. You win, winter. You broke me.

I mean, look at me - I'm blogging about the weather. 

That is just...sad.

Jesus Snail

A while back we bought two of those snails for the 5-year-old's fish tank. You know, the kind that eat the algae so you can be lazy and never clean the fish tank? Anyway, they cleaned the tank all spiffy and then promptly keeled over and died. Because I'm lazy (see previous buying-of-snails-to-avoid-cleaning-the-fish-tank statement) and my child is very watchful of my activities in his room, I didn't quite get around to scooping them out and flushing them to Fishy Heaven. A few days later I had this text conversation with Alfred:

Me: Holy shit, one of these snails just rose from the dead!

Alfred: ?

Me: I'm going to name him Jesus.

Alfred: Why not Zombie Snail?

Me: "Aaaah! It's eating my brains! Slowly! Vverrrrry slooowwwwllly!"

Me: Doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Alfred: Fair enough.

Me: If the other one ressurrects, we can name HIM Zombie Snail. This one is Jesus.

Alfred: Please don't tell my mother we're having this conversation.

Me: I'm not promising anything.

(In retrospect, the snails probably play dead when their food supply runs out and let the "current" carry them somewhere else. Although the second snail never did rise from its watery grave.)

(It's still in there though. I think the fish ate it.)

(Fish are so weird.)

Things I keep doing for no apparent gain

1. Buying green onions. I don't eat green onions. Nobody in our family eats green onions. Yet, I keep buying them on the off chance we're going to make something that requires green onions.

2. Taking the stubs of the green onions and putting them in water so that they will grow again, after they've gone all gross and mushy because we haven't used them. Then they grow and...become all gross and mushy. 

3. Checking in on Foursquare. I don't know. What's the point of this? I don't have anyone on there to really compete with. It's pretty boring. And yet...I keep doing it.

4. Freezing chicken carcasses. My intention is to make chicken stock. I mean, I did that once. Now there are approximately 37 freezer-burnt chicken carcasses awaiting the next time I am possessed by Suzy Homemaker. I exorcised that bitch, this seems unlikely to come to pass.  (See also: freezing old bananas.)

5. Charging and/or synching my iPod. I don't seem to use my iPod. I use my phone for tunes and my tablet for other stuff. I charge the iPod, leave it lying around, it dies, I charge it. It's the circle of life.

Everything else I do seems to produce some net gain for me (even the ones that don't feel like they do, like laundry and feeding the dog).

I guess that's not such a bad ratio.